Larryoke 2 Announcement

Well, I’m nowhere near done with my final Bronsonpalooza post. It will run next week.

In the meantime:


Saturday, May 4, at 7PM EST, I’m doing Larryoke again!

There will be a few more posts after Larryoke, but this is essentially the going away party for Perfect Strangers Reviewed. It will really hurt my feelings if you don’t come.

On the day of Larryoke, I’ll post a link to the stream both here and on the Facebook event page. The stream will be separate from the chat, but that’s the way it is when you’re doing things on the cheap. The chat will be through Discord, and it’s already up! You can head there now if you want to be the first to say Hongi Bongi.

The episodes will be family-friendly, but the chat and the songs won’t. Before I get further into the contents of the stream, I want to tell you about the Frank Aid fundraiser.


Frank, if you’ll remember, appeared in Season 3, episode 11, “The Break In”; a man so disturbed by the bottomless criminal element in Chicago that he no longer wanted to live.

Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. There were 1.4 million suicide attempts in 2017, over 40,000 of them successful. I’ve felt like killing myself before, but I’ve been lucky: I can go see a therapist, or call a friend who understands, any time I want. All Frank had was Balki and Larry, who begrudged him their help.

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention does important work to improve both suicide interventions and getting those interventions to people who need them. Larryoke will include a fundraiser for AFSP, and I hope you can find a few bucks to send their way.

It never felt right to try to make money from this blog, and a result I’ve never tried to come up with merchandise to sell you. I thought about doing some artwork for a special poster, but to be honest finishing up the writing for this whole thing takes up all my free time. (Maybe some day.)

But I do have a couple of incentives if you donate to Frank Aid.

$10 Level (20 spots) – Quick pencil sketch of one Perfect Strangers character in a compromising situation. You name the character and the situation; trust me, you’ll be sorry if you leave it up to me.

$30 level – I’ll get exactly two T-shirts printed, one with the Chicago Chronicle logo, and one with the Fat Marsha’s Burgers logo. I’ll never make more of either one, except just for me. Me and you, shirt buddies.


I’ll pick two names at random, and then I’ll email you to get your size, address, and gender! (Evidently shirts are made differently for people with breasts. Who knew?) Donation amount is not tied to number of chances. One person, one chance.

All the donations go to AFSP; I’m paying for the shirts.

I’ll post the link to the fundraiser the day of Larryoke 2, as well as a non-intrusive number of times during the stream.

So what in the larryokeing fuck is Larryoke, you ask?

Larryoke is a livestream consisting of 7 episodes of Perfect Strangers, plus one or two special surprises. They are very special surprises. Have a bedpan prepared, they’re so special.


Not even hardly!

As of this writing, there will also be 14 Larryoke songs, and I’m trying to get a few more lined up. No idea what a Larryoke song is? So basically what I do is write Perfect Strangers-themed parody lyrics for popular songs, and then I guilt-trip my best friends into recording themselves singing them. Thankfully, they’re all better singers than I am. Here are the songs from the first Larryoke:

The stream will last around 5 hours, but it’s going to be so stimulating, and you’re the kind of red-blooded Americans who will watch anything (I said… anything), so I know you’ll stick around until midnight when all the horns blow and Balki’s balls finally drop.

I know you’re excited because all the ditties will get you upset, and I’m sure you’re dying to know what the songs are, as internet culture has ruined surprises for us all. I won’t tell you which songs Larryoke 2 features, but I will tell you all of the Larryoke songs I didn’t use.  Sunburn fetishist Philip J Reed and I developed this list of unused Larryoke song titles, and by deductive reasoning you should be able to figure out the ones that got recorded.

Kiss Me Gorpley – Lita Ford

Sweet Myposian – Aerosmith

Save a Horse (Ride a Gorpley) – Big & Rich

Gorpley Up Buttercup – The Foundations

Jungle Gorpley – Kool and the Gang

The Wreck of the Samuel Fitzgorpley – Gordon Lightfoot

Gorps Up Side Your Head – The Gap Band

Ma Gorpley Amour – Stevie Wonder

The Master(ohgod)plan – Oasis

Sammy Gorpley PTA – Jeannie C. Riley

The Greatest Cuz of All – Whitney Houston

Will Meego Round in Circles – Billy Preston

Who Put the Gorp (In the Gorp, Gorp, Gorp) – Barry Mann

That’s A-Gorpley – Dean Martin

Every Gorpley Plays the Fool – The Main Ingredient

Long Cool Gorpley in a Black Dress – The Hollies

Tiptoe Through Bronson’s Lips – Tiny Tim

(Shake, Shake, Shake) Shake Your Gorpley  – KC and the Sunshine Band

You Don’t Mess Around with Sam – Jim Croce

Mustang Gorpley – Wilson Pickett

Cousins in the City – The Lovin’ Spoonful

Ferdinando – ABBA

(Is This The Way To) Write a Good Show – Tony Christie

Boochi Boochi Man – Muddy Waters

Proud Gorpley – Ike & Tina

Thank You (Falettinme Be Rid Dick You Lus Agin) – Sly and the Family Stone

Meego No. 5 – Lou Bega

Signed, Sealed, Delivered I’m Gorp’s – Stevie Wonder

Gorpley in a Bottle – Christina Aguilera

Jump (For My Cuz) – Pointer Sisters

Do You Really Want to Gorpley – Culture Club

Sammy Gorpley – Alan Jackson

Mama Myposian – Culture Club

Frank’n’ Roll Suicide – Bowie

Myposian Rhapsody – Queen

Please Touch Larry’s Hole – Joan Jett

Killing Frank Softly With This Song – Lori Lieberman

Bridge Over Babasticky – Simon & Garfunkel

Single Larries (Put a Ding on it) – Beyoncé

Lydia the Re-Used Lady – Groucho Marx

Here Comes Balki Claus – Gene Autry

I Do, You Do?, I Do, You Do?, I Do – ABBA

Medley: Bartokomous/Let the Cousin In – The 5th Dimension

The Caldwell Street Discount  Song (Feelin’ Ritzy) – Simon & Garfunkel

Da Ya Think I’m Twinkie? – Rod Stewart

Mama Don’t Screech – Madonna

Berman for You – Blue Öyster Cult

Gorpleytown – Lipps, Inc.

Have Yourself a Larry Little Christmas – Judy Garland

Shepherd’s Pie – Warrant

Lamb on the Run – Wings

Clap for the Sheepman – The Guess Who

Bird I Sold – Freda Payne

Santa Balki – Eartha Kitt

He Works Hard for the Gorpley – Donna Summer

Walking in Mypos – Marc Cohn

Suite: Balki Good Lips – Crosby, Stills & Nash

Long Tall Gorpley – Little Richard

Closer to Hole (I’m Your Cousin) – Grand Funk Railroad

Black Hole Co-Sun – Soundgarden

C.O.U.S.I.N – Rythm Syndicate

My Cuz Runneth Over – Ed Ames

Balki’s Theme (That’s the Best He Can Do?) – Christopher Cross

Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me, Gorpley – U2

It’s De-Gorpley – Cole Porter

If I Said You Had a Beautiful Gorpley Would You Hold It Against Me – The Bellamy Brothers

Gorpleys are Doin’ It For Themselves – Eurythmics & Aretha Franklin

The Night the Lights Went Out on Gorpley – Vicki Lawrence

New Gorp State of Mind – Billy Joel

Tuxedo Sunburn – Eagles

I Just Started Hatin’ Christmas Songs Today – Moe Bandy

Gorp Vibrations – The Beach Boys

Baba O’Gorpley – The Who

Gorpzilla – Blue Öyster Cult

Lawyers, Guns and Gorpley – Warren Zevon

Gorpley Two Shoes – Adam Ant

Sam Gorpley’s Fire (Man in Office) – John Parr

Knocking on Heaven’s Gorp – Bob Dylan

Gorpley’s Got a Gun – Aerosmith

Every Gorpley Wants to Rule the World – Tears for Fears

Abracagorpley – Steve Miller Band

Shepherd’s Delight – Sugarhill Gang

Gorpley/Long Time – Boston

Every Gorpley was Kung-Fu Fighting – Carl Douglas

It’s My Gorpley – Lesley Gore

Yes Sir That’s My Gorpley – Margaret Young

Sloop Sam G –  The Beach Boys

Cousin Larry – The Who

Eight Gorps a Week – The Beatles

Hey Sam – The Leaves

Angels We Have Bronson High – James Chadwick

Sunday Gorpley Sunday – U2

Gorpley Seems to Be the Hardest Word – Elton John

Love Her Gorpley – The Doors

This One Gorps Out to the One I Love – R.E.M.

Front Page of the Chronicle – Dr. Hook

Gorple Rain – Prince

Samfool (Say That You Gorpley) – The Cardigans

Gorp Sharona – The Knack

Gorp Only Knows – The Beach Boys

Dirty Deeds Done With Sheep – AC/DC

I’m Too Gorpley – Right Said Fred

I Gorpley That Emotion – Smokey Robinson & the Miracles

Red Roses for a Dead Biki – Vic Dana

Gorp! (There It Is) – Tag Team

Total Gorplipse of the Heart – Bonnie Tyler

Gorpling on Sunshine – Katrina and the Waves

Gorp Up the Jam – Technotronic

Gorp it On Home to Me – Sam Cooke

A Taste of Honeymooners – Billy Dee Williams

Gorpual Healing – Marvin Gaye

Sexual Gorping – Marvin Gaye

Oh My Lord – George Harrison

Mr. Gorpjangles – The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

The Gorpley-Motion – Little Eva

Saturday Night’s Alright For Gorpley – Elton John

Shiny Gorpley People – R.E.M.

Balki Then Nothing – Jen Trynin

Hang on Gorpley – The McCoys

Slapstick Tonight – Eagles

Gorpley – The Association

Mr. Gorpley – Ernie

Subterranean Workplace Blues – Bob Dylan

If I Were Your Cousin – Gladys Knight

Please Mr. Gorpman – The Marvelettes

Gazebo – Van Morrison

West End Gorps – Pet Shop Boys

Riders on the Gorp – The Doors

Everybalki Hurts – R.E.M.

Gorpley in the Sky with Demands – The Beatles

I Wanna Dance With Sam Gorpley (Who Loathes Me) – Whitney Houston

Sam Gorpley to Love – Jefferson Airplane

Cigarettes and Balkihol – Oasis

Gorpley Wonderland – Earth, Wind & Fire with The Emtions

Pour Sam Gorpley on Me – Def Leppard

My Cousin (Never Gonna Get It) – En Vogue


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